A STUDY OF ENVIRONMENTAL INFLUENCES ON ATTITUDES e.g. A GUIDE TO PARENTS AND COACHES (Choose one for your swimmers. You keep the other two.)

#1: I dropped four seconds, pa! broke the state record! Is that good? ... oh ... my turn wasn't any good ... gee, pa ... I-uh ... yes ... I know Billy goes faster ... okay I'll rest up for the next race ... what if I don't beat him? ... if I do what you tell me I'll win? ... Okay, pa ... I-uh, I'm sorry about the last race ... I thought -- that is I know I'm not supposed to think, just want to win, but what am I supposed to want to do in this race? ... I-uh ... (I think I'll go out for leach gathering). No, pa I didn't say anything ... the guy behind you says I don't kick enough, and his daughter holds the state record? ... yes, pa ... does he want me to kick more or harder? ... oh, it's time to go. Okay, I'll stay away from the coach, so he won't confuse me ..." #2: "How about that, ma! Fantastic, eh? Say, where's the sauerkraut? -- new state record, ma (slobber, slobber) .. gotta eat fast, 'nother big race comin' up in 4-1/2 minutes ... say didya see my stroke, ma? It was great except for that little spot where I got hung up in both lane markers at the same time. Yeah, you liked it too, huh? (munch, munch) ... pass the bagels, pass the horseradish, pass the kielbassa, urp! Did ya see all the waves, ma? Woosh! Oh, boy, I can hardly wait. Gosh, I'm up already! Well, wish me guts, ma (gulp, gulp), munch, munch, slobber-slobber, I'm off for another record!"

from the book:

Three Attitudes and How They Grew

by Seaweed Sully

(banned in Boston;
rave revues in
Outer Death Valley)
#3: "Yes, coach, I concur. It is my conviction that the amount of laminar flow in my last contest bordered on turbulent flow. I shall ruminate further and recogitate the tenants of my system. Perhaps a perusal of Newton's principles as applied to fluid mechanics will exert a stimulus upon my adrenalin producing organs. ... but how will I know when I'm excited?"


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