Spray: --An anthology of classic excuses--

Every team has its own collection of folklore and tall stories, otherwise known as excuses. The following have been meticulously and accurately preserved over the years at Patton Pool. They are the brain-children of assorted hypochondriacs, phonies and genuinely dedicated loafers. They reflect the pain and strain of workouts, the grueling competitive pressure and the after affects of "the night before...." So here they are the original sayings of Patton's Paul Bunyan Club:

• Jack Duffy (from ancient times): "I've got a cramp in my jugular vein. "
• Janie Johnson: "I've got a stone in my suit."
• Dennis Manrique: after stopping 2 lengths short of a 200. "Well what d'you want me to do, swim or count?"
• Carl Boyd: after swimming freestyle in a backstroke race at Pontiac. "How come all those other guys are swimming the wrong the stroke?"
• Ron Boyd: late for workout. "I couldn't find a comb."
• Mary Hughes: "My Latin is sore." (???)
• Ray Ferguson: late for workout. "I couldn't find my glasses."
• John Westcott: late for same workout. "I couldn't find my glasses to help Ray find his glasses."
• Bonnie Danboise: second to last in race at Belle Isle. "I got caught in the sea-weed."
• Carol Danboise: last in race at Belle Isle. "I got caught in my sister's wake."
• Greg Penn: late for workout. "My locker stuck."
• Bobby Koch: missed his heat. "Somebody locked me in the red equipment box."
• Rick Skarbo: missed workout. "I hurt my foot playing cards."
• Linda Tyldesley: late for workout. "They were playing my favorite album on the radio."
• Sue Williams: late for workout. "My suit wasn't dry."
• John Powser: missed workout. "The zipper on my bag was stuck."
• Dennis "Rip Van Winkle" Manrique: late for the evening workout. "My alarm clock didn't wake me in time."
• Mary Lou Shefsky: left early from workout. "They're going to show the re-runs of Howdy Doody on TV today."

Ancient Chinese Proverb say: "Ticking of stop watch in hand of age group parent during workout, is like ticking of time bomb. Sooner or later, both will end in disaster." CONFUSION SAY--

Well, looks like it's gonna be another six-page issue. (How's that for planning?) Hauck just handed me his article: one line...but what a line; this one needs lots of room to expand....