CONTRIBUTIONS! "MILLIONS (of thanks) FOR CHARITY BUT NOT ONE CENT FOR TRIBUTE"--the ed. policy on contributions
The following was contributed anonymously, and I promised not to reveal that it's from Steve "Wasamajaki" Waszak. My lips are like a poker hand, Steve, takes jacks or better open them.
DIARY: NOV. 15, '65: As I strolled through the doors at Patton today, I noticed that something was wrong. This being the usual case I proceeded toward the end of the hall where I was sure to be met by the always smiling faces of my teammates (e.g. Alice Ceresko). Upon reaching my above mentioned destination, I overheard Sully saying that he needed some help moving the "real light" record boards out to his car. Before I could even look for the nearest exit, I was being hustled toward the scene of Sully's latest escapade by the team's musclewomen Ralph Richards and Joanne Scarborough. There was Seaweed Sully (seaweed describes his appearance) in command of the situation as always. Klemanski was screaming, "Yea, yea, guts;" as Gottschling tumbled from the ladder. Quickly Sully took his place; this time Gary was to hold the ladder. "I said hold it!" commanded Sully emphatically as Gottschling staggered toward the door. By this time the others had almost gotten it off the wall, but Sully had to help. So, after a few more abortive attempts to free the board from its place he gave up and let the others take it off the wall. Soon it was on its way to Sully's car. Then----Ralph Richards reappeared and conjectured, "Hey guys, I don't think it'll fit in Sully's front seat." After such a brilliant observation Ralph quieted down--the strain on the brain was too much. "I think you're right," commented Jim Klemanski who was trying to put it through the door. Apparently Ralph was feeling quite good today because he was in another one of his joking moods. He cracked suggestively, "Steve Waszak can take it in his station wagon , Sully, he's got plenty of room." I laughed heartily at this because it was one of "Unreal" Ralph's better attempts at humor. But apparently the joke was on me because before anyone else even got the joke Sully was halfway to my car with the record board and he was thanking me ever so much for my help. Before I could say Joe Fijolek, the record board was in my car and Jimmy Teunas was guarding it. "WHAT THE HECK IS COMIN' OFF HERE?!" I exclaimed in outrage. "I hope not too much," remarked Dave Sahagian slyly as he headed toward the pool. Then I heard a weird sound coming from the pool. I looked up and saw Sully, Klemanski, Gottschling, Ralph, and Dave Kee coming toward my car and me with--no it just couldn't be--another record board. And they weren't just whistling Dixie. In fact, as I remember, they were tweedling "Who's afraid of the Big Bad wolf?" But you see they aren't such hot whistlers and as they came down the street I heard the unmistakable sound of breaking glass. Again before I could say "Joe Fijolek" the quintet had the second record board in my poor car and were thanking me again for my help, etc. Ralph didn't thank me, he just sat on the car and laughed. "Har, har! Ralph, good buddy, I hope you have a safe trip home, " I said vindictively. Well, after this we all headed back to the pool for workout. Boy, talk about victims of circumstance, I had just been victimized by the whole Patton 'Tigershark" goon squad. After practice things were even more organized. Nobody knew where we were going but they did know what we were doing. They knew but I didn't! Finally, after great deliberation, Seaweed Sully decided we would take the stuff to his pad (Pad is right: Padded floors, walls and ceiling) but first we would all meet at Ceresko's because he had to finish some, unstarted business there--an unopened bottle of ice cold Tab. Unfortunately we arrived just as MaryBeth was coming up the driveway. I say unfortunately because she was so surprised she dropped the transmission in their Volkswagen--shifting into reverse in a vain attempt to get out of the driveway and out of the vicinity. "Where’s the party?" questioned Klem as he hopped up the steps of Ceresko's front porch. "Where's the party questioned Gottschling as he hopped up the steps of Ceresko's front porch. "Where's the party?" questioned Ralph as he hopped up the steps of Ceresko's front porch. "Where's the Tab?" questioned Sully as he tripped (har, har) up the steps of Ceresko's front porch. "Where's my coat?" questioned Mrs. Ceresko as she hopped down the steps of her front porch and into her car. All kidding aside (who's kidding) we all went inside and got disorganized again. Ralph somehow got out of going to Sully's house and I somehow got stuck going to Sully's house with the record boards, Klemanski, and Gottschling. I gave my mom a buzz and told her what was coming off. I quote, "FOR-GET IT, SON." After further explanation I had her thoroughly confused but she understood. So when I strolled into Ceresko's den, for the first time, as Seaweed was amusing the kids with his terrible fiction. I SWEAR! That place looked like the federal reserve! I had never seen so much gold and silver in my life. After Sully's fireside chat we were on our way (cont'd next page)
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