(PUT-DOWN DEPT. cont'd)

rated after this climax of all his creative powers, and he quickly fell back into the norm. Although a few experts believe his mash notes to LadyBird have certain lasting qualities, there is absolutely no justification for his "They all call me Tommy, or Why I fear the Prophet." Upon being arrested for indecent exposure (he appeared fully clothed at a beach party), through the generosity of Brother Stan he was allowed to roam on the grounds of our home town... etc. He held frequent soliloquies on his great failure in life: Why is there not a Tommy in every home? Early last year his body was discovered, wrapped tightly around a water polo ball. The attending coroner explained it was probably the shock of stopping something that killed him.

Brother Stan, Chairman of the Obituary Sect.
(T.H. o. D.A.H. o. O.L.F. o. N.R.)

World Comments on the Passing of Thomas X.S.:

Lord B. Russell: I believe we now can achieve peace in our time
G.L. Rockwell: Such a tragedy, our work had only begun
V. Nabokov: I shall immortalize him, make him the model of my male Lolita
Gen. Charles DeGaulle: Apres lui le Deluge
LadyBird Johnson: Thomas who?
Dr. Albert Ellis: He used techniques discarded in the bronze age; like a rabbit he loved a lot but not too well
Stanley Mohammed: He was a man of too many X.S. who we let imagine he actually did stop a water polo ball (I can't explain his plans for fear of tipping of S.M.E.R.S.H., T.H.R.U.S.H. and all them dirty white racists)
Dr. Max Rafferty: I think I made it clear to Mr. Savic that filthy (Supt. of Public Educ. of Calif.) speech movements are out!
Peter Daland: Thomas who?
ed. note: with friends like him, who needs enemies? R.I.P.

Notes in Bottles Dept.: Other letters include the following results on the North Central Polo Champ. in Iowa. Chuck Hines set up 3 divisions of play to insure a closer caliber of competition and ran a very successful tournament. If you didn't know Chuck you would have only to glance at one of his result sheets to see how dedicated he is. He has everything listed there from team shooting and goal-keeping percentages to individual percentages--the earmarks of a man who really lives the game. Results in the "A" Division as follows: 1) DesMoines Y 2) Des Moines Tech WPC 3) Davenport S.C. Chuck is also hosting the Men's & Women's Jr. Nat'l polo tourn. (outdoors) this summer (July 30-31 & Aug. 1) Write him at the Des Moines YMCA for entries.

Hi Tom:

I just finished reading your April Fool's issue of "Foam-Fare". Boy, way-out material! Especially the cover. I was surprised to see you mentioned this ex-breast-stroker. Glad to see the humor is still tops.
I think Sue Smith forgot one item in her "misery" list. If I may expound:--Misery: Doing underwater push-ups because the coach told you to and then finding out it only helps your arms.
We're still working on taking our team to Montreal for a meet with my old club. I'll keep you posted on it.
Do you send your "Foam-Fare" to New Zealand? If not I'm sure they would be interested in it. Tell you what, send a copy to Mrs. D. Graham (address).
That's it for now. Keep it cool and watch out for that bar of soap on the deck.
Who else, Rab.
(Steve Rabinovitch, former Canadian Olympic breastroker)--ed. note
Steve--Have heretofore stopped my swimmers from doing underwater push-ups. It sure was a good way to clean the bottom of the pool, though. Seaweed Sully


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