time me for 50 miles (on foot, heading out of town)--that's enough for this issue! Check with my "bookie", Ralph Richards for further bets. I lost so many in the last week of Brennan, I almost got in shape............Henry "chop-chop" Halucha has a great new way to "win friends and influence people." It's called "karate", and every now and then he cleaves a brick in two, just to win a bet. If he loses...don't tell him about it--chop-chop.......among the sad departees for college this fall are the ever-popular Dave "Bullwinkle" Szumski and Gary "Bullwhip" Cooke (they call me "bull", too--just the "bull"). Szumski is the only guy who stands a chance against Karate. It takes four chops just to cut him down to 6 feet. Hurry back, fellas.............congratulations to the Golden Lions on their new team newsletter, The Lion's Roar, put out by Kathy Coolidge. This is their second entry into the newsletter field, George Wendler's famous Water Log being the first, which has since expanded it's subscriptions to the entire swimming world................team co-captain Mark Manrique will take up residence at MSU this fall, joining his brother Dennis "campus- Casanova" Manrique. Denny has a new way of crashing parties up there; he shaves his head and eyebrows and goes as a doorknob (don't stand next to a kumquat tree, Cassanova)..............Dave Kee had the answer when Carol Danboise was pondering over what to give her father for his birthday. “Well," mused Davey, "you could run away from home."..............the Roxborough bros., Kalamazoo Y aces, are gentleman all the way, stood right next to me at Toledo watching Abdul swim "backstroke" and didn't crack a smile............flash-- late bulletin--just got a letter from Szumski addressed to "Sulla, and other things I couldn't write." Says he misses all the "nuts at Patton." Address all retorts and threats to: Dave Szumski, room 508 Gillum Hall, Ind. State U., Terre Haute, Ind. 47809. For my part, Dave, this isn't a threat, but your lifetime subscription to Foam- Fare ends tomorrow .................

STOP THE PRESSES! STOP THE PRESSES! STOP THE PRESSES!

just received the contribution to end all contributions. It's a full length short story by Karen Hislop, age 9. That's right, folks, I said "age 9!" So don't dry off with your copy of Foam-Fare, yet, read on. (down with the Child Labor Act):

One day a girl went swimming in a sea. A Tigershark swam up to her and said: You swim like a whale. If you want to swim like us Tigersharks come join Patton Tigersharks. They're the greatest swimmers in the sea. My name is "Sully the Tigershark." Come. I'll show you to our team. They'll make you a good swimmer. We won many trophies. Soon they came to the team. The greatest swimmer came and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned into a Tigershark. She became a great swimmer. They lived happily ever after.

That's very nice, Karen, but I want to tell you how it really happened. There she was, about to do a backstroke start. I sidled over to the lane next to her and also prepared to do a backstroke start. "Pilot to co-pilot," I said drolly.

"With a face like yours, you oughta have seventeen jewels for a brain," she replied sweetly.

Completely unruffled, I was about to try again when this Tigershark suddenly swallowed her. "Whatsamatterforyou," I shrieked, "you just swallowed my future backstroker!"

"Backstroker? you got an itch? Scratch it yourself!"

"Very funny," I observed.

"I've been dieting on skinny newsletter editors," he offered by way of explanation. "What're you doing here, anyway?"

I'm just 

          trying to 

                      waste space 

                                    so I can 

                                             finish this 

                                                         page!..